Personal Peace Part 2 of 4: A Kind, Gentle, Peaceable Person

Recently I attended the funeral of my last living uncle on my father’s side.  He was a good man who never attained fame or glory.  He was my favorite uncle when I was young.  As I reflect upon my memories of him, a common thread is visible.  He was always happy and in a cheerful spirit.  When I visited last, he was worn down with the process of aging, but there was still his contagious smile always with a compliment to offer, always positive, always helping, and always cheerful.  As his funeral service was drawing to a close some final remarks were offered.  While the speaker’s thoughts developed, he began to describe Uncle Sterling.  His voice became clear, paced, and deliberate.  “Sterling,” he said, “was a kind, gentle, peaceable man, and we are all going to deeply miss his soothing influence.”  This comment permeated my soul and stayed with me the remainder of the day and well into the night.  In fact, here I am months later putting these thoughts down on paper.  What did the speaker mean by “a kind, gentle, peaceable man?”  The words sounded so nice and enviable to me.  What I would give if I were so fortunate to have someone utter these sentiments about me at the end of my days.  As I reflected upon the words individually, and then compared them to the man in question, I had to concur fully.  Of all the men I have had the fortune to be acquainted with, Sterling was indeed the kindest, gentlest, and most peaceable man I have known.



Family Relationships that Forge the Future

I am the father of seven unique, dynamic, individual children, each with strengths and each with flaws.  They were born very close together all in the span of ten years.  In addition, they grew close on property out of town and away from neighbors.  Out of necessity they became friends and mentors to one another.  Observing them over the span of 30+ years I've come to a few conclusions about families, parenting and such.

Managing the Ego by Balancing Humility and Pride in the Search for Meaning in Life

The Latin term for self is ego.  We each perform a 24/7 assessment of our lives: every event, act, and competition.  We compare where current performances stand with personal perceptions.  Innocent at first, within time, this process becomes self fulfilling.  We see what we choose to see.  Numerous ego defense mechanisms are employed to maintian this personal illusion.  Ego is not based on the reality of what others witness, but, rather on what we have chosen to believe.  In our search for meaning in life, managing our ego is paramount in the balance between humility and pride.

Meaning in Society

Where two or more individuals exist in a given environment, a society in the loosest form has begun.  Personal, professional, and social relationships are the foundation of this society.  Such a civilization is based upon mutually agreed upon self-benefiting rules.  Basic and often unspoken, these rules define the conditions of membership.  A society carries with it an identity.  Members individually determine that it is advantageous to adhere to these rules for their own safety, security, and collective identity.  Self centered impulses and desires are controlled through the promise of greater success tomorrow.  Once the basic needs of food and shelter are secured, the desire for social interaction, attention, achievement, and attainment arise.  All of these are driven by the need to control, and control of self is regulated by the ego.  All relationships have a common denominator and this is “you.”

Birth: From a Life of Peace and Predictability to a Life of Challenge and Change

There is a debate about when life begins.  I believe that at some point in the womb, the growing fetus becomes conscious of its surroundings: the warmth, the safety, the peace, the predictability.  At the moment of birth, however, the infant enters an environment that is hostile; it is cold, loud, intense, and bright.  The excruciating journey from the security of the mother’s womb is full of struggle and pain.  Arriving naked and confused, this new setting is harsh and demanding in comparison.  The pain of birth instantly creates dissonance between one’s current environment and past peace.  The arrival begins with the need for food and reassuring touch.  Pain leads to tears, and crying leads to relief.  To exist, strong instinctive survival behaviors take over to ensure safety and security.  Initial peace at this level is equated to the attainment of food and touch, as well as the avoidance of pain.  It is soon learned that tears and noise influence the surroundings.  Control of the hostile environment has begun.